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Post by DrLeftover on May 24, 2017 20:51:54 GMT -5
Brand new, just finished (watch out for wet electrons on the ending), unedited, unproofed, etc. Enjoy. Review. Critique. Flame.... whatever. At your leisure. It won't be posted on the Desk site until I get a chance to at least proofread it and correct the major typos. (quoted) Incarnation(c)2017 Levite themediadesk.com The one thing the hospital staff and the patient's family could all agree on, was that the patient in 325-B was not Jerome. It was his teenage body, all six foot two inches and two hundred and thirty five pounds of well muscled linebacker. But when he woke up after two days of being in a coma from the massive on field impact that laid him out with an equally massive concussion, a compressed disc in his neck and weak vital signs, it wasn't Jerome that woke up. ...... (end quote) See Attachment . Attachments:incarnation.txt (54.15 KB)
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Tanya
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Post by Tanya on May 24, 2017 21:26:06 GMT -5
Oooh, spelling errors.... dietitian* Mild grammar issues too but you can sort those out. Yessir should be either 'Yes sir' or 'Yes-sir' Instead of using pre, may I suggest you use 'prior to'? (works better with your writing style.)
Nice Novelette you have there. Yes, I ran it through a word counter.
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Evil Eye
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Post by Evil Eye on May 25, 2017 13:32:34 GMT -5
Did you have any plans for a follow-up?
Here, have some things to fix.
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Post by DrLeftover on May 26, 2017 19:30:55 GMT -5
Well. Thank you all.
If you're that good at proofing.... BOOK 2 and 3 of the "other men's" trilogy (which would be, give or take, 250,000 words or so) need some TLC.
I'll take above suggestions under advisement when I get a chance to work on it.
Any more?
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Tanya
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Post by Tanya on May 26, 2017 19:45:59 GMT -5
Doc, look around the forum, I make grammar mistakes constantly, I need a proofreader also!!! Best I could do is catch spelling errors and not all of those, I might add. *looks at EE* Up for the challenge? You're the book writer Doc, we did only as per your instructions. As to anymore, Monkey isn't back online till after the 7th of June and Jewel... want to critique Doc's work?
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Jewel
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Post by Jewel on May 26, 2017 22:18:45 GMT -5
I'm lousy at critiquing, always have been.
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Post by DrLeftover on May 27, 2017 14:31:40 GMT -5
While I was babysitting the church youth group's rummage sale this morning I proofed a printed copy of the story and added Evil's corrections to it.
Now to make those changes to the file.
Thank you
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Evil Eye
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Post by Evil Eye on May 29, 2017 13:49:53 GMT -5
If you're that good at proofing.... BOOK 2 and 3 of the "other men's" trilogy (which would be, give or take, 250,000 words or so) need some TLC. Well... if you don't mind it taking a month and me not spotting everything... *looks at EE* Up for the challenge? To be your proofreader? That'd make me feel bad because I'd constantly be pointing out mistakes.
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Tanya
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Post by Tanya on May 29, 2017 14:54:08 GMT -5
To be your proofreader? That'd make me feel bad because I'd constantly be pointing out mistakes. Based on the fact that Doc actually used your corrections, I'd say that doesn't make you bad at all. and this is a writer's forum... don't forget that. What I'm asking is, would you be a proofreader for those who request or ask for one? (I'll continue the idea elsewhere)
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Post by DrLeftover on May 30, 2017 17:28:19 GMT -5
To be your proofreader? That'd make me feel bad because I'd constantly be pointing out mistakes.Well, then it'd kinda be like we was married. ... ... ... ... ... .... ... ... mind if I think about that for awhile? .
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Tanya
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Post by Tanya on May 30, 2017 18:51:55 GMT -5
That would be entertaining for me though, Doc!
But yes, think about it all you like, you don't need permission from me for that, I'm not married to you. It was a thought, I have a lot of those as you know. Thoughts, as we know, are just ideas. Some are useful and some are not.
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Post by DrLeftover on Jun 1, 2017 19:03:48 GMT -5
No, actually, 'thoughts' are a bit more than 'just ideas'. For that, we'll check in with one of the old masters: .
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Tanya
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Post by Tanya on Jun 1, 2017 19:16:30 GMT -5
I stand corrected then but what followed that as in: "Some are useful and some are not." still stands. (sorta) Perhaps I should have said: *My Thoughts*
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