Tanya
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🐭 TypoQueen 🐭
Posts: 5,828
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Post by Tanya on Feb 23, 2021 15:37:18 GMT -5
This topic is very huge on social media where people tend to speak their minds without really thinking about how others might react. Some take it very seriously and I find that great for those who still have most of their lives ahead of them but for older people or those who can't change their situations or whose lives were changed by drastic events... I'd rather keep it friendly and carefree. Everyone deserves to dream even if those dreams won't come true.
This topic is a good way to look at yourself from your very own perspective without any judgement. We could call it a 'what if' game but game seems to be the wrong word. The last topic was about profession and this one branches off it but for a different reason and purpose. This topic is about positives and how our own interests could have changed our lives if circumstances were different. It's here to also show a different way for the younger generation to pick and choose what they do with their lives or to add to what they already have in their life.
I find it sad how many people settle in a career and end up hating it but since money is to be made, they never change it. I find it crazy that most of us simply settle into whatever life throws at us and except it as normal. We are born and then we die.. no one argues that but what about how we live or what life is for us? What is the point in being born at all if people don't enjoy the life they have? (and that is a topic for another time since most who end up thinking that way, live a very short life or a very dormant one)
So what kind of interests do you have? What hobbies do you have, if any? What kind of things brighten up your day? What do you enjoy above everything else? What could or did you imagine yourself doing? Sometimes interests fall under habits so what habits do you have?
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Tanya
Forum Owner
🐭 TypoQueen 🐭
Posts: 5,828
Forum Relationship: Evil Eye💙
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Post by Tanya on Feb 23, 2021 17:15:59 GMT -5
Before I had children.. My life was full of crazy ideas, crazy thoughts and my world seemed very huge to me. I was abused but treated it like it was a normal everyday kind of thing because it was easier than focusing on it. I wasn't much of a people person but was friendly for the most part. I didn't trust since I felt it needed to be earned. I wasn't the most trustworthy person however so people who tried to earn trust seldom got it. As time went on, I became more trusting even while those I trusted hurt me. I did have a habit of hurting them back with words more than action. Words became a way to survive. They were like a 'magic power' if that were even possible. I could hurt people or help people with words. I was never one to hurt people with actions. (not knowingly anyway) Writing and storytelling became my go-to place when life got too hard or people became too cruel. I didn't keep promises as a kid. I believed a promise was worthless since most who made them never meant them. I became as bad bad as those who were bad to me. (often times to those who didn't deserve it)
I was close to graduation when I decided that I wanted to change. Writing was still very important to me but I had a love for music and used it the best I could. Growing up, I played instruments but was never really that good at them. I sang in choir and family was just amused but never impressed by it. My concerts were lonely except when I dragged my sisters along. (they were young and often got bored so not really a positive for me lol) My choir director kept saying I had potential. I was more helpful with getting others to sing on key than I was to sing on key myself but because she pushed me hard and complimented when I did well, I stuck with it. It gave me another reason to love music. I could hear the music notes in my head and could tell when others were off even a tiny bit but I couldn't hear it in myself. Honestly, if I could have heard it in myself, I would have wanted to sing for a living. Yes, I loved music that much.
Music combined with writing became the most important things to me. They helped me begin to change but life was still cruel so change came very slowly.
After I had children..
I had to learn to stop taking pills and to stop drinking all the time. I knew those things were bad before but also knew it could cause more problems as a mother. I forced myself to grow up and it wasn't easy. I made just as many mistakes as a mom as I did growing up. I struggled harder because I couldn't let go of the past. I had nightmares that made life even harder because everything was fresh in my mind. My children became my world then. Everything I did was for them. Everything I became was for them. I still kept making mistakes but they became fewer as time went along. I wasn't a good wife but I wasn't a bad one either. I was loyal even while accused of not being loyal. I changed who I was but for the wrong reasons and in ways I shouldn't have because I wasn't myself anymore. After awhile, bits and pieces of myself came though and no matter how hard I tried to remove those parts, it wasn't happening. At one point, I tried to get help and was put on meds that made me see in third person. It was the only way to describe it. I stopped taking the meds because I couldn't take care of my children like that. I decided that I had enough and just did the best I could. In my mind then and even now, it wasn't enough.
My interests expanded because I learned to love more than my children. I learned to care about others in ways I never knew I could. Several kids called me mom and I liked it a lot. Some called me a friend and I liked that even more. Some adults called me mom and I laughed and smiled finding it complimentary and amusing at the same time. I never felt old. I never felt weak. I never felt pain when around others like those kids and like the small amount of adults I knew.
I was active online and found a whole new world to explore within it. I learned I liked other cultures more than my own and even though languages were a bit of a pain, they knew English well enough, it didn't matter because I could still talk to them and learn from them. I was finding a way to be happy. The internet and those on it became so much apart of my life, I struggled to separate online from offline. It did create problems for a few years. Would I change it happening? No, I wouldn't. I made friends that accepted me as myself and it didn't matter that I had flaws. I learned as much about myself as I learned about them also. They helped me become a better me. In their own ways, they showed me who I was and the potential of who I could become. If weren't for a very small few of them, I wouldn't have ever gotten better at being a mom. I wouldn't have ever learned how to be myself. Did people dislike me? Of course. People are people and that didn't change just from knowing them on a pc. But learning to like myself regardless of my flaws made it much easier to love and like others. Things became more real and more honest.
I have a love for people but not many have a love for me. Funny when you give that too much thought. Funny because most would find that very negative but I found it a positive thing. I can love the whole world and be disliked by more than half of them and I'm still willing to smile. Offline, strangers were the kind ones to me. Online, it was those who took time to know me who were kind. I suppose that alone explains why I have no friends outside of the box. haha. Nah, its just that those I have on the box, most live in other countries and only a small few live in the US. I don't travel or get out much so meeting people isn't something that happens very often. (it has happened though but again, those I met lived other places) Loving others opened up something that was locked away for a long time and that was my emotions so I tend to feel very strongly now.
The point to sharing all that is simple. Some of the most influential interests stem from those around us, from those we interact with, from new interests we never knew we had but someone else points out or we find on our own over time and from our own experiences.
Because of those online, I learned to interact with music more than I had before so now music influences my mood and my thoughts based on what I listen to. Music because a way to heal from the inside. So many take music for granted but few really see music as more than something to listen to. I learned to love computers from strangers who in some cases because long-term friends. It became more than just a tool(means to an end) to me. I got into software for a time. I wanted to learn about programs and when IRC (mIRC was what I used most) was a daily thing, I learned how to create my own little programs within it. It made chat a lot more fun. I never learned more than that because all those languages were a bit too much for me. I could retain things I read in books and on shows but I struggled to retain anything within those languages. I still learned what I needed enough to use whatever program I used after that though. Now with forums, some things are easier than they would have been if I knew nothing but depending on platform, I'm more than willing to say: "Hey, help me with this or will you do this for me?" *shrugs* Basic graphics are easy enough also but when placing them within coding on forums, I do struggle a lot more than I say. Something that takes some only a few moments to do will take me hours to do. I still love it though even if my eyes don't work well anymore. I learned to except my flaws from those online also. That covers a lot of topics really but not needed here.
So my interests are rather huge but those that never change are small. Computers.. just enough to not feel totally dumb. Music.. which is a constant. Writing.. which is also a constant. People.. which is a rare enough find that it too is constant. Reading.. comes with the territory really. Gaming.. a rare thing to find me doing but still something I enjoy to do when I can. TV shows and Movies.. oddly enough, this isn't really an interest so much as a thing to listen to in the background so silence isn't the only thing I hear. I do love some movies and enjoy a few shows but its not a true interest. These are the things that are often repeated by me but...
I do have two interests that make me happy but I rarely talk about anymore since neither are things I've done for a very long time. One of which is walking.. headphones in my ears with music up high...night time walks that are well and truly relaxing. Now though I'd need someone to walk with me since walking down a few stairs makes my knees hurt and walking across a parking lots leaves me short of breath. I got lazy being locked in my room so long. (but still miss the walks) The other one is photography.. I used to paint when I was younger before my fingers decided to lock up and stay locked for long periods of time. I started taking pictures not long after that and it stuck. I was never all that good at it since I always had a crappy camera or crappy phone but I still enjoyed it. I found it relaxing and it settled my mind snapping pics of things I found beautiful or at least entertaining. I used to snap pics during my walks and even made videos during those walks. Night photos are not the easiest to take but if you snap the photo enough times, at least one always turns out beautifully. We can find beauty in the simply things and in the world all around us if we care enough to look.
If I became anything based on all this it would have probably required a bit of traveling, a whole lot of the outdoors and a very open mind. *smiles* I suppose some dreams are still worth holding onto given enough time.
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